My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
