i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
