So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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