I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
