used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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