I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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