im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
