Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
