I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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