the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize