and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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