im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
