I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
