I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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