It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
