So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
