At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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