Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
