Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Vodka?
Forever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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