You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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