My first STD was from a foam party
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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