He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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