My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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