pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
