birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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