I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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