Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
