am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
