How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
