I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
