shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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