when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
