How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
