Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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