I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
her vagine was all disorganized.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Randomize
