I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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