i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
