this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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