You can't motorboat a personality
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
