So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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