I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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