I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
