So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
