have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
