You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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