Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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