I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
