My friends, they love my intelligence
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
