i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
