oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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