am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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