I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
