I'm going to jail i love you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize