I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
