garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize