My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
