I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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