his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
